Discovering You
by pepper-maroon
Summary: Two unlikely people come together, but do they have what it takes to be with each other? Warning: this is an alternate pairing! Completed.
1. Chapter 1

**Don't own the characters, show, etc. I'm just getting thoughts out of my head before they drive me insane.**

**As ever, this is work of fiction. All reviews are welcome. Please note any inconsistencies or other mistakes. **

**Note the following: **Izzie's already slept with George. This is sometime after Cristina-Burke fiasco and Meredith & Derek are not together.

**Please keep an open mind as this an AU pairing. And in my twisted imagination this ship would actually work. **

**I know the first chapter is a little raunchy, but as we all know things that feel good always have strings attached. This is merely setting up for what's to come.**

**-------**

_The alcohol was absolutely, without a doubt controlling her actions. She was undeniably a goddess in bed, controlling her actions to pleasure a guy, but unrestrained—even she wasn't sure of her limitations._

_She ripped his shirt a part, feeling his smooth chest up and down. He pulled her to him in a fiery kiss, doing something with his tongue that he never done to a woman before. She was quite surprised. She imagined him to more reserved. But if he was unleashing himself, then she was allowed to do the same._

_She pushed him away. He looked at her questioningly. She gave him a seductive look as she trailed her fingers across his chest. Then going lower . . . and . . . lower. His breathing hitched as she massaged a hardening bulge between his legs. His eyes gave way to the animalistic nature in him. He pulled her close, tugging her top off her and attacking her chest as she backed towards the bed._

_She broke away and he growled. She unzipped and pulled his pants down and began to massage his hardened member. He groaned and grabbed her hand._

_"You first." He grinned slyly at her remaining clothing._

_"What? No foreplay?"_

_"We'll see," he huskily whispered into her ear._

_She pulled off her jeans and remaining clothing in mere seconds and then sat on the bed in her pure naked form. Yeah, it was definitely the alcohol. She wouldn't be doing this if she were in her right mind._

_He immediately came to her. Running his fingertips up her thighs and touching a sensitive spot. The quite suddenly he came into her. Her breathing hitched as he began to thrust. Slowly at first and then faster. His eyes never left hers. They continued to watch each other. To see the mirroring pleasure . . ._

_She held him for a second. He tried to push forward confused. That's when she raised her long legs and rested them on his shoulders giving him more access and heightening the sensation between her legs. He moaned and continued to thrust. Now falling into her. Needing to feel her body against his. He placed kisses all over her neck before burying himself in her sweet hair as she grasped onto him tightly._

_She dug her nails deeper . . . harder into his back. She threw her head backward giving him an unlimited access to her neck. He groaned and continued to leave a trail of wet kisses on the soft skin at her neck . . . her shoulder. One last thrust and a searing wave of pleasure blanketed both of them. _

_They stayed like that for a few seconds, holding each other close. He then gently laid her down on the bed and covered her body with his own. He kissed her again, from her below her ear to her pink lips. She responded immediately opening up her mouth and allowing him to explore her. He stopped and looked down at her. _

_He smiled. A happy, euphoric smile. Like he finally found what he had spent all this time searching for. His twinkling blue-green eyes looked for a response in her doey-brown ones. She reached up and pulled him down to her. The lay like that for a little longer. Every now and then placing a kiss on a newly discovered feature. Like they had just discovered the other person and they didn't want to let go. _

_In a way, they had just found each other. All this time, they were so near each other and they never knew the possibility. He rolled off her and draped his arm across her stomach. Tracing patterns and running his fingers across her body. Her beauty. _

_He held her tightly to him and eventually, they fell asleep._

----------------

Izzie woke up with a sudden start. _This wasn't her bed. Who was holding onto her so tightly?_ It felt warm and comforting, but this was not even her room or house. A certain familiarity spread about her. She was in a trailer. It had been years since she set foot in one. _What was she doing in one now?_

She took a deep breath and last night came flooding back. She smiled at the thoughts of the best sex in her life. Her smile faded to horror as she realized who it was with. She slowly turned around, moving the arm around her.

**Derek Shepherd.**

Izzie gulped. She slowly got out of bed and took in their nakedness. She just had the best sex ever with Derek Shepherd. _Meredith's Derek. McDreamy. Meredith's McDreamy_.

Izzie scrambled to get her clothes. _What had she done? First George and now this? What was wrong with her?_

Izzie silently put on her clothes, mentally cursing herself to eternal damnation as she felt her eyes well up with tears. She opened the door of the trailer, stepped out and let it quietly close. The cool, refreshing air did nothing to ease the stinging in her eyes or the help the blood flow to her lips, which were now white from where she was biting into them. The salty sensation was too much. _How had she fallen so low?_

Izzie stumbled around the path leading to the trailer. _How the hell was she going to find her way home? Better yet, how was she going to deal with this mess?_ God was surely punishing her.

This was wrong on so many levels . . .


	2. Chapter 2

_Two Days Ago_

_-------_

"Did you hear about Shepherd's tumor guy?" Cristina descended on the others at the nurses' station, waiting for their assignments from Bailey. "I want in."

"Cristina, you want in on everything. Do you think maybe someone else could get a chance?" Izzie piped up.

She was leaning against the desk. Her comments to Cristina, but her eyes were on George. She just wanted things to back to the way they were. She needed someone to talk to, but things were awkward between her and George since their 'break-up.' Alex was stilled pissed about the 'O'Malley over me' thing. And there was no way she could talk to Meredith or Cristina with out the other finding out and becoming so judgmental. Those two could do whatever among themselves, but when someone else does it, they were so critical. Plus, Izzie was still irked that they went on the planned Burke-Cristina honeymoon without her. After all, her fiancé died, so should she have been on that trip as well to share the misery.

"No." Cristina bluntly replied.

"Bet you wish you were still with Shepherd so he could pick you," Alex said to Meredith.

Meredith shrugged her shoulders. A look passed over her eyes as she hoped he would choose her anyway. Things had been on a distant friendly side between them. They were over the 'just sex' thing. Definitely passed the 'relationship' thing. But still, there was something there.

"The thing protrudes off his face. Dude, there's no way that guy can make it," Alex said.

"Shut up." Izzie snapped.

"Guys. . ." George started, but Bailey and Shepherd walked up.

"As you all know, I have an important surgery scheduled for today. It will be long and tedious. I hope each one of you has had a good night's sleep," Dr. Shepherd smiled scanning the faces of the competitors.

Bailey stepped in. "One of you nobodies will be assisting Dr. Shepherd for the next 2 days—"

"Me!" Cristina exclaimed, "Dr. Bailey—"

"Actually . . ." Dr. Shepherd scanned the residents' faces again and lingered on Meredith's. ". . . Stevens will be assisting." He smiled, his eyes watching Meredith's reaction.

Izzie looked up surprised. She had been lost in her thoughts. "Me?"

Meredith turned around. Her face showed nothing but disappointment.

"Grey. Karev. To the pit. O'Malley. With me. Yang. Clinic." Bailey turned. "NOW!"

Everyone scattered, exchanging spiteful glances.

"Morning, Dr. Shepherd," Izzie followed him as he turned. She knew that this was just a ploy to get to Meredith.

"Stevens, Carl Ryder, is someone I care deeply about. This tumor has taken everything from him and he still stays positive. I need someone who can understand him," Shepherd's eyes met with confused brown ones. For a second he was taken aback by the depth behind them. "Problem?"

"No. I'd be happy to assist." Maybe not because of Meredith after all.

Shepherd opened the door to patient's room and Izzie held her face to what she was about to see. A man in his thirties turned to face them.

"Dr. Shepherd." He saw Izzie and his smile widened. Infectiosly. "Who is this?" He looked her up and down the only way he could.

Izzie had to take a breath. He was a handsome man except for disfiguring bulge on the right side of his face. His sandy hair and hazel eyes made him a knockout. Izzie smile back.

"Morning, Carl. How are you feeling?" Shepherd asked.

"Like I'm about to get my face back."

"That's right. This is Dr. Stevens. She will be assisting me later today for your surgery. After we remove your tumor, Dr. Sloan will start to—"

"Make me hot again," Carl laughed.

Izzie liked him. His temperament set the atmosphere at ease.

Shepherd laughed. "Dr. Stevens will come by later to prep you for surgery. Any questions?"

"Dr. Hottie will prep me, huh? Nice." Carl drummed his fingers on the armrests.

"Carl--"

"I know. Be respectful, but the tumor controls everything," he quipped.

"Stevens," Shepherd called as he walked out the room.

Outside, Izzie ran up to him. "Dr. Shepherd, a tumor that size—"

"I know. He knows." Shepherd looked into her concerned eyes. He lost his thoughts as he wondered if anyone would look at him like that ever again. "I'm giving you some time now to go brush up on the procedure." Shepherd walked down the hall leaving Izzie standing in her spot.

_______________

"Do you like walks in the park?" Carl asked giving Izzie a crinkling, heartbreaking smile.

"For the last time, I will not go out with you," Izzie laughed as she drew his blood.

"Can't blame a guy for trying. Although after this, you will beg me to take you out. You wait and see my dashing looks."

"Yeah, right," Izzie smiled.

Carl was silent as Izzie listened to his breathing.

"What's the matter?" he asked.

"Nothing. Your breathing is fine," Izzie looked at him. He was no doubt a heartbreaker. His voice was pure honey.

"Not with me. With you. You smile, but it doesn't reach your pretty eyes."

"I—" Izzie was taken aback by his bluntness.

"Tell me the truth." Carl smiled. It was infectious.

"I'm the doctor. We worry about you. Not the other way around."

Carl shook his head. "I'd like to know that my doctor is all here and not thinking about something else as she cuts into my brain. Seriously spill. I've become a girl in gossip. I'm man enough to admit it. Life is so boring in a hospital bed."

"I'm just tired that's all."

"Tired of what?"

"I—" Izzie didn't have to talk, but she needed an ear. "I'm tired being there for everyone else, and no one's there for me. I take care of my friends because they are my friends and because I'm a good person . . ."

"But?"

"But the truth is, I can't tell them things as easily. And I want to take care of someone because it makes me happy, not just because we live in the same house. I want someone take care of me in the same way." Izzie spilled.

"You need a man. I'll take care of you. You take care of me. We would make a hot couple. Imagine our kids. They'd have looks to kill before they could even walk," Carl laughed. He stopped and then grabbed her hand. Squeezing it. "Give it time. And give me a chance after the surgery."

Izzie smiled, but her heart was becoming heavy. His playful banter reminded her of something else. Someone else. And she couldn't be in the room. "I'll be back."

Izzie stepped outside the room and nearly collided with Shepherd.

Derek had come to seel Carl when he heard Izzie talking. He never knew that she felt this way about her roommates. He had always thought they were so close. In all his time with Meredith or working with Izzie, he never knew there was so much to the model. He somehow missed it. Assuming she was superficial because of her looks, never knowing the heart inside.

"Dr. Shepherd, I need a favor."

"A favor?" He noticed her. Truly.

"Yeah, I think I deserve it."

Derek scoffed to match her tone. "Why should I grant you the favor?"

"Because you and Meredith—"

"Are no longer together."

"True, but you ate my food. Things I made, even when they weren't for you."

Derek smiled. She had a point. "What?"

"I want off this case."

Derek looked shocked. "Stevens, this is—"

"I know what this is, but I can't do it. He's so—"

"He reminds you of Den—" Derek nodded understandingly.

"Don't say it. Please don't."

"Stevens, I refuse to take you off this case. You will always have people that remind you of him. You may not be able to save all of them, but you have to try. Carl Ryder deserves the best. As your attending, I am ordering you to the OR and watch me save his life." Derek turned and walked away, leaving Izzie rooted to her same spot again.

_______________

"It's a beautiful day to save lives," Derek said. "Scalpel."

Derek began the grueling surgery. It took hours and they were making some progress when the bleeding began. Izzie tried to stop the bleeding.

"His heart rate's dropping."

"Damnit!" Derek cursed.

Five minutes later, Carl lay dead on the table with his face half open.


	3. Chapter 3

_Still a Continuation of the Flashback_

__________________

Izzie made her rounds like she usually did. She wouldn't be off until later tonight. She had been living in this hospital for the last day and a half.

"Sorry about the tumor guy," Meredith had said to her.

"Carl," Izzie replied.

Izzie couldn't believe he had died. _Why? _Izzie walked around the hospital.

She couldn't be here in this frenzy. She turned and headed towards the basement to her special corner. She had come here within the first few weeks she was back after Denny. When she couldn't get back into her routine with everyone else.

Izzie walked so fast to the basement that she didn't hear Shepherd call her.

Izzie found her spot and sank heavily to the floor. She leaned her back against the cool wall. Carl was too good looking to have died. He deserved more. Izzie wondered why this was affecting her so much. Then it hit her.

They were both young and good looking. He didn't have the chance to live. She did, and she made a mess of everything. She had wanted more in her life. She wanted more than a trailer life. She wanted more for her daughter, which was why she gave her up, only to find out she had leukemia. And what had she, Isobel Stevens accomplished? She was doctor and she was able to donate bone marrow, but those were the only good things.

Her personal life was a mess. She wanted to be like a family with her roommates, but she lost that connection after Denny died when she was trying to cope. They expected her to pull through, not knowing that Denny was the first person to truly see her. Not knowing how she tried to be hopeful when she had lost everything that meant so much to her.

How often had to tried to give everyone the benefit of the doubt? Alex did the syph nurse and he was mad about George? She helped Alex to study for his exam and he was giving her the cold shoulder. She even fixed Crisitina's eyebrows for her not-to-be wedding. She was irritated with Meredith and Cristina for letting go of good things because their lack of will to commit, and yet they scored the best surgeries.

What had her life come to? She had worked so hard, and for what?

Izzie didn't realize when the tears started to run, but she had been crying for a while. She looked at her watch 8:00 pm.

She spent three hours down here and no one had noticed. Where had she gone wrong?

Izzie tried to wipe away the tears, but they came harder. Soon her back was shaking with sobs. She couldn't stop it. She needed to get it out. She buried her head into her hands.

She didn't notice it when she felt a warm hand on her shoulder. And when she did, she was too tired to look up. The hands grasped her shoulders and puller her close. The comforting body cradled her and petted her hair as she finally was able to calm down. She remained in that position for a few minutes. In a warm embrace. She was rocked gently back and forth.

Izzie got up to dry her face and her mouth opened in shock.

"Dr. Shepherd!" She suddenly felt humiliated as she had just cried in her roommate's ex-boyfriend's arms.

"Izzie, I think we all need that. People like Carl can do that to you," Derek got up slowly.

It was no longer about her again. Izzie shook her head.

"Izzie!" Derek called after her, but she had already turned and ran up the stairs.

Derek had called after her to talk about Carl. He sensed her feelings. He blamed himself. She asked to be off the case, but he forced her to it. To another loss.

The Chief had come to talk to him before he could run after Izzie and when he did, he knew that he was the cause of her pain.

He saw her with her back to the wall in a secluded corner, tears streaming her face. She looked upwards as if to say 'Why me?' Then she started to sob. He noticed her beautiful face streamed with tears as she covered her face and shook harder. Her body shook in such a way that he had to hold her for a fear of her snapping.

When he touched her, she didn't resist. And he held her warm body. Cradled her to him, wondering how she managed to stand with so much pressure in her back. He mindlessly started to touch her hair. He never realized who she was inside. He knew she was known to get involved. Yet, here he was holding her.

It felt like he was with the wrong person, but his body matched her perfectly as he shared the warmth while he rocked her back and forth. He didn't want to let her go, but when she got up, she was shocked and confused. And she ran from him.

______________

Her heart was fluttering it felt good to be held, but not by a person who was off limits. When had that happened? One minute they were strangers or rather in a sense of a lack of getting to know each other, the next he was holding her while she cried.

Izzie went straight to the locker room and jumped into a hot shower. She needed to burn away all sensation. She had to start over. She would go out. Act like she never met Derek Shepherd because the crying thing with him was really weird.

She would feed the beast tonight. With the first person she could.

________________

Izzie didn't got to Joe's that night. Instead, she went to the other end of town to an Irish pub. Where no one knew each other and there would be no gossip the next day.

She was sitting in a corner, and had already downed a few drinks when she saw him walk in. No doubt he was McDreamy. He was wearing a blue shirt that brought out his eyes.

He scanned the crowd and stopped on her with surprise. He smiled and headed towards her. His eyes boring into her.

Great! Just what she needed. Izzie could already feel the heat in her face.

"Izzie."

"Dr. Shepherd." She was going to keep him far away as possible.

He smiled. "Derek."

She turned to him. "Seriously?"

"We're not at the hospital."

"Whatever." Izzie couldn't stay here with him. It was too uncomfortable. She grabbed her purse when the familiar warm hand grabbed her wrist.

"Stay for a while. I could use the company."

"I can't. I've been sleep deprived as you know," Izzie needed to get away from his stare. It was weird crying in front of him or rather being held by him.

He didn't let go. His firm but soft grip pulled her back down. "Stay. Please."

"Why?" Izzie asked and sat down.

"Can I ask you a personal question?"

"No, but you're probably gonna ask it anyway."

He smiled his dreamy smile with his nice hair. She wondered how it felt to run her fingers through his hair. Bad thoughts. Those were the beast's thoughts. He ordered more drinks.

"What's your take on relationships?"

"Seriously?"

"Yeah, honest answer."

"One, you're asking the wrong person. Two, we don't talk enough for me to answer that question."

"Let's change that. Talk now. Tell me your opinion."

Izzie huffed. "They only work for the people who want them. You can't force someone to be with you nor can you waste your time and put your happiness on hold for someone who's not interested." That was blunt. She had had too many drinks.

Derek looked at her. A refreshing wave came over his face and a knowing smile tugged at his lips. "You're right."

There was something about the way she was. Her tensed back. Her blond hair. The way her body curved in all the right angles.

"My turn."

Derek nodded. Noticing her eyes. The pretty brown ones that he felt staring deep into his soul.

"Did you hear everything that I said to Carl yesterday when I was prepping him?"

Derek nodded.

She smiled sadly.

"Izzie. It's okay. You'll find someone. Someone who does care." He reached for her hand. Her soft hand. He could only imagine what those hands could do.

She made no move to drop her hand. He felt relaxing. Like he was taking all the tension out of her. She breathed deeply. Regaining some of her dignity.

They continued into the night drinking beyond comprehension. Izzie more so to drown out everything else she was feeling.

Derek couldn't help but feel that there was more to her than he knew about. They shared so many things in common. As she revealed the men in her life and how they screwed her over, he couldn't help how he, too, was twisted by Addison and Meredith. He knew then they connected in a way that he had failed to see earlier. They were the right kind of people for each other, but they had tried to seek their happiness with the wrong people, and now it was too late.

As Izzie continued her drinking, she would constantly lean against Derek pointing out the things that made her happy. Derek realized they were just simple things like chocolate chip muffins. Or talking and sharing each other.

When both of them had gone slightly beyond, tipsy, Izzie more so, they finally exited the pub together. Izzie giggled incessantly and grabbed Derek's hand to steady herself. When she stood somewhat straight again, a strand of her hair fell in her face.

Derek couldn't control himself and tucked the strand behind her ear. She looked at him with a strange smile. Now leaning in to him, trying to steady herself, but bringing them closer together instead.

Just close enough, so that Derek bent forward to kiss her luscious lips. It was a heated kiss. Izzie pulled away and looked up at him, her lips burning with heat and want. They both giggled again and reached forward to kiss each other again. Holding each other close. Not wanting to let go of this newfound meaning. This connection.


	4. Chapter 4

_**"It was just sex. Casual sex. We needed to get it out of our systems. It meant nothing," he said.**_

_**"Is that how you see it? God, this is so wrong. I can't believe this happened! It never happened, understand?" she sputtered and then paused. "What would Meredith think? How do you think I can face her after this?"**_

_**"It meant nothing," he emphasized, "so you don't have to feel anything. And Meredith won't find out because as you said, it never happened."**_

That was what Derek Shepherd had told her this morning. And it was the cause of another one of Izzie's searing hot showers. She was trying and failing at burning all sensation from her body again. But although she looked like a ripe red tomato afterward, she could not get rid of his emboldening touch. The way his warm hands had covered her breasts and the feel of him inside her last night turned her brain off and her body on in unimaginable ways.

There was just something about him that now set her giddy. He made her forget about everything else. He took all those painful feelings away and replaced it with some new found energy.

Although this was something she needed and desperately craved, she knew she had gotten involved with the wrong person. Even though he gave her what she was looking for in one night, she knew she couldn't do it again.

The fact that Meredith's McDreamy gave her these things replaced the weight on her shoulders. She sunk on the edge of her bed with her wet hair and towel around her reddening body from the mess she cursed herself for making again.

________________

When Derek woke up in the morning he immediately remembered what had happened last night. He took a deep breath and waited for his conscience to begin kicking him. It never came. No regret. Nothing. Nothing, but contentment.

He was surprised. He had just slept with his ex-girlfriend's friend and he did not feel bad. Derek sat up and looked at the dent in his bed. Now, he felt something. Disappointment. She had left. And he was disappointed in her leaving. He would have liked her to stay, but she left. He couldn't blame her, as he probably would have done the same thing in her place.

But as he breathed in, inhaling the scent of the gorgeous woman who was just here, he found this new energy in himself. He had never let himself go like he did last night and now that he had, he didn't want to let go of what he found.

He couldn't help but think how the women in his life had affected him so. He and Addison spent most of their lives together that it felt natural to take the next step. And then he was attracted to Meredith for her mystery and pushing him to confront Addison and Mark's betrayal. When he had shown Meredith his true self . . . his hopes, she ran. And he spent the rest of their on-again-off-again relationship restraining himself not knowing when she would run again.

Now, he felt good to be himself. He was a little surprised that Izzie Stevens had done it to him. He never noticed it before. He put her off to another one of those gorgeous women who were just around. He didn't notice her true self when he looked into her eyes 2 days ago. The concern that filled them for their patient. He couldn't help but wonder if someone would ever look like that at him again. Concern, not just because of the fact a relationship required it, but because someone wanted to care for him.

How did he never notice Izzie? Now that he thought about it, she always went the extra mile for all her patients. Of course, that part messed her up on a personal scale. But she jumped back into the game and went back to being caring, considerate, and kind. _How did he not see her before?_

And now, sitting on the edge of his bed, he was disappointed that she had left. They may have had drunken sex last night. And as great as it was, Derek wanted to see more with her.

But then it hit him. The more part would undoubtedly cause serious repercussions. To all aspects of their lives. Derek sighed and got up to make some coffee to help him clear his head. As Derek went into his tiny kitchen, he looked out the window and his breath caught.

He was looking at the most amazing sight ever. Isobel Stevens looked like a goddess with her hair whipping around in the breeze. She was rocking back and forth on her heels in last night's clothes with her arms crossed.

Derek smiled. She didn't leave. Perhaps she felt the same way. Then she turned and caught sight of him. The smiled was off Derek's face in a split-second. Her beautiful eyes looked at him with confusion, regret, and most of all hurt.

Derek was so caught up with himself that he hadn't realized he hurt someone that didn't deserve it. He had just hurt her again. He mentally cursed himself as he felt a lump form in his throat. Even if they felt connected, they couldn't do it. Too many people were involved. The lump in his throat hardened.

With Meredith, it wasn't messy until she made it so. Here, with Izzie, it felt right, but the mess was already made. He slowly walked to the door, mentally kicking himself for 1. not noticing her before and 2. knowing what he had to do.

He would have to take feeling out of this. If he went to her know like he really wanted to, he would take away everything else from her. So, he would have swallow everything he felt with her last night to give her back what she needed.

And when she asked for a ride back to the pub for her car, as she had no way of getting back. He gave her one. It was in complete silence, when all he really wanted to do was hold those slender fingers. When she got out in the parking lot to walk to her abandoned car, she walked with her head high, holding on to her dignity from what he had said to her because he really hated himself for doing that to her.

Because when he emphasized that 'it meant nothing' the second time to her, he said it more to himself so that he wouldn't try to take her in his arms and tell her what he was really feeling.

______________________________

_Izzie didn't know what she was hoping Derek would say to her as he stepped out of his trailer door with his pants from last night hugging his frame that would make a woman crazy. He looked handsome and dashing as he walked down the steps and in essence, the dreaminess that he was._

_She knew what they had done was wrong and she needed to hear it from Derek. But standing out here brought back all the sensations that he put in her._

_Then she saw his blue eyes. She couldn't tell what he was thinking, but she saw him conflicted and slowly resolving to say something._

_And when he said those things, she was hurt, but glad he said it so that they could get on with their lives and act like nothing happened._

And now, sitting on the edge of bed, Izzie heaved a deep sigh. Why was she the person who cared? Who got attached? As Izzie began to dress, she realized that Derek gave her the power to stop caring about her problems and the energy to deal the messiness in other aspects of her life. And this was just from one night. She really needed that, but still the fact that it was Derek was eating at her.

But he said, it was just casual sex and that it meant nothing Could it mean something though? To her? To make her regain some sort of happiness? She didn't know if he felt the same connection, but she certainly did.

Could they still have casual sex? Maybe she would propose the idea. He could get over Meredith, and she could use the distraction. Was she a casual sex type of person? Could she allow herself to be used in such a way, especially if she did get some benefits?

She knew it was wrong . . . but would it still be wrong if it felt good?

**Let me know what you think. I know where I'm headed, but I haven't gotten there yet. Still, feedback encourages updates and updates get to the main part of the story faster. lol. --pepper-maroon.**


	5. Chapter 5

Izzie took a deep breath and walked down to the basement to her secluded corner. Everyone was preoccupied, but she was immensely jumpy anyway. Someone was bound to head this way, and she dreaded what that someone would discover. However, she really needed this.

Instead of sitting down at her spot, she passed it and went to a room further down the hall. She never knew this room existed and was amazed how no one had ever bothered to venture this far. It was away from the sex laced on-call rooms, the eyes that spied who went where, and the talk that followed who did what. She was glad she knew of this place away from everyone else so she could at least clear her head once in a while.

But today, she was on a different mission.

She walked into the room at the end of the hall and silently closed the door. It was a surplus supply room. Odds and ends of hospital stock that were no longer used were kept here and eventually forgotten. She walked towards the center of the small room and waited.

She was counting. It was nearly three minutes before she heard the door open and close. She heard a small click as the door was locked. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Her heart was beating so loudly, she was sure he could hear it.

In mere seconds, she felt him push aside her long hair and felt his breath tickle the back of her neck. He brushed several kisses across her neck before she turned around to face him.

Derek looked down at her with the most brilliant blue-green eyes she had ever seen. He smiled his dazzling smile that caused his eyes to crinkle at her. _How could she resist?_ She seductively grinned back at him.

She reached up and kissed him. He immediately captured her lips and began to heatedly dance with her tongue. _Where did he learn to do that?_Izzie felt her body immediately melt into him, perfectly. He pushed her against the wall as she broke this kiss to pull of her scrub top. He took the moment to shove off his white coat and attacked her mouth again. She slid her fingers inside his navy blue top to feel his chest. _How could he feel this good?_

He drew his leg between hers causing her breathing to hitch and pushed her against the wall, all the while holding her head, his hands through her hair and continued to kiss her with some kind of fiery intensity.

At this point, Izzie wasn't sure what to do with her arms. Usually, she would know what to do, but she wasn't sure if she and Derek were as far along in this so called 'relationship' to do what she really wanted to do. So instead, she held his arms, the ones that were in her hair massaging her scalp so that she couldn't even make sense of anything anymore.

Derek moved his kisses farther down, and she simultaneously tugged at the drawstrings of his scrub bottom. As Derek left a trail of wet kisses down her neck and chest, she shimmied out of pants. Derek couldn't help but chuckle at the way she moved, graceful and wantonly.

Derek suddenly pulled his head back, but his body pushed her against the wall harder. Izzie was thankful for the wall because at this point, she wasn't sure how she managed to stand up.

Derek looked into her eyes and she melted at the sight of them. His eyes pierced into her, watching her face as he came into her. Her breathing hitched, and a moan escaped her lips. He continued to watch her, moving his hands to hold her head so he could see everything that she was feeling.

Izzie was mesmerized at the look he was giving her. He continued to thrust, and then his face changed to pure ecstasy as he groaned her name. She felt herself tingle at the way his lips had curled around her name.

Izzie felt the heat and now gripped his back as she slowly wrapped her long legs around his waist. She didn't want to let him go.

Derek leaned in and kissed her again with something more than passion and physical lust. He muffled her moans with his mouth and soon Izzie felt fireworks exploding. No, really--there were fireworks. She couldn't even see properly.

Izzie slowly came down from her high, just as Derek fell into her, his head resting on her shoulder as he set her down gently. He rested his head on her, and Izzie felt something strange. It was good, but the atmosphere had suddenly changed.

Derek pulled back and Izzie saw something in his eyes. It was only a split second before he changed, but it was enough for Izzie. She had warned him against it and now feared what might happen.

As they pulled on their clothes and tried to straighten each other out before heading back to the main floor, Izzie felt knots in her stomach. Just as Derek turned, pulling his coat back on, Izzie blurted, "This is the last time!"

_________________________

_Derek had to admit it. He was pretty shocked with Izzie's request. He didn't expect it from her. And although, he should have turned her away to save her from herself, he wanted to be around her. So, he agreed. _

_She explained she needed it for some obscure reason and that it would be under the radar, just sex, and they could walk away at any time. Derek didn't care what her reasons were, he just wanted to be around her. And the 'walk away at any time part' . . . well . . . Derek knew at this point that after being with her once, he didn't think he could every walk away. _

_He was hurt though when she brought up the Meredith factor. She explained she would be his distraction and he would be hers. Derek was hurt that she thought he would use her like that, but he couldn't tell her what he was feeling as it would ruin the noncommittal sex pact they had made._

_Mostly, Derek made it so he could be around her longer. So he could feel her warm hands in his and have those eyes watch him as they did incredible things with each other. _

_The first time they did it after it was labeled casual sex, Derek felt there was some underlying meaning as why they were doing this. They had left separately and were to meet at his trailer. He arrived first. He looked out his window and saw her beautiful form exit her car. She stayed outside a minute. She would take two steps forward and then walked backward. He sadly smiled at what this was doing to her._

_But he couldn't turn her away. He couldn't stop thinking about her. And when she came inside, she was all fidgety and wouldn't stop pacing until he took her hands. When he kissed her, she slowly relaxed._

_Afterwards, he knew that it was never going to be the same again. There was no way, after being together in such a way that they could continue having meaningless sex. _

_And he knew meaningless sex. He had tried with Addison when attempting to make their marriage work, and all he could think about was Meredith then. And when with Meredith, it was more of the fact that at least he was with the woman he thought he loved. _

_But there was no way he could describe what had happened with Izzie. He couldn't compare and he wasn't going to because she had done something unexplainable to him. Touched him in such a way that he couldn't go back to normal, whatever that was. Normal and average was what he had before. It was what he had been wasting all that time on._

_Now, he was in a place he didn't think he could ever leave. He had turned to look at her, a small smile across her face. He ran his fingers across her body and raised his hand to feel her hair. She tilted her head and smiled at him before getting up to get dressed. _

_There was no way that they could have done what they did and not felt anything. Derek sat up. "You don't have to leave."_

_"Yeah, I do."_

_"You can stay. We can--"_

_"No. That would ruin the point of casual sex. Staying would imply a relationship, which is something we're not in." She looked at him and he saw her eyes longing for something more._

_After that, she established the rules:_

_1. Just sex._

_2. It's just sex so it doesn't mean anything._

_3. No talking. That means something and this is just sex that doesn't mean anything._

_4. I don't know you at the hospital._

_5. No one can find out._

_The list continued. And each time she added another one, he saw that she didn't mean it because she wanted something more. So, he played along because he didn't want her to know how he felt. If she did, being the person she was, she would try to do the right thing and lose everything that meant anything to her. _

_But still, he played along, hoping that something more would happen. And when it did, he could happily be with her because he didn't care what other people thought and . . . because __he felt more for her than he had ever felt for anyone. She meant more to him than he could even imagine._

_____________________________

Derek immediately spun around to face her, shock evident on his face. "What?!"

Izzie found herself in more knots. She didn't want to let him go. She knew she was undoubtedly hurting a lot people--mainly Meredith, but Izzie wanted to be happy because she deserved it. She spent her whole life trying to do things she believed would make her happy, and she found it now with the most unlikely person.

She knew she couldn't be with Derek no matter how she felt about him, no matter how he could take the pressure off of her, but just maybe she could hold onto him a little longer. They may just be having sex, but it wasn't meaningless to her. She liked being around him. The way he said her name. The way he touched her. It was like she was the only one in the world. She may be a distraction to him, but he set her on fire; she had the power to take charge and be in control.

He gave her new confidence and inspiration in herself and she didn't want to lose it. She wondered what her friends would think of seeing her now, but still she was happy with him because he made her forget everything else.

However, the only exception to her feelings was that it was and would always be Meredith's Derek. Nevertheless, she still saw the look in his eyes after he pulled away from her. She knew that look, and she hoped they had it in them to go one more time, one last time for closure before cutting each other off.

Because with a look like that, it only meant trouble, and though she liked him, she wasn't going to be the cause of another mess or breaking up a relationship, even if he and Meredith weren't technically together.

"There's just too many people and--"

"We already talked about this, Iz. You said yourself that you needed mind-blowing sex and that nothing else would happen." Derek looked confused.

But something did happen and now she wasn't sure if she could deal with those consequences. And yet, she wanted to hold onto him just a little bit longer. It was the way he said her name that did it. _Iz_. It made her fly.

"I meant people could catch us here. This is the last time we're doing this in the hospital."


	6. Chapter 6

**Just a filler . . .**

**_____________________**

Izzie got onto the elevator ready to go home. She inhaled and exhaled loudly, trying to expel everything she was feeling. Although she felt great and energized, she couldn't help but think _what had she done to Meredith? _

When the elevator bell dinged, she stepped off into the hospital's main entrance only to see him.

He was waiting. He was waiting with his coat slung over his arm. _He was waiting for her. _Waiting to give her a signal about their next rendezvous. But mostly, she knew he was waiting for an explanation. An explanation for her actions since their steamy tryst in the hospital surplus supply room.

For a second, she was distracted from her mission of avoiding him. She was admiring his silhouette. His form that she wished she could forever wake up beside. The way his hair framed his face and how she ran her fingers through the softness when they _were _together.

But she didn't want to face him now. She wasn't ready to explain her actions to him. She couldn't express what she was feeling to him without causing a rift in their lives concerning everything else. And she didn't know how to justify her actions to him because she couldn't tell him what she was really feeling.

Well, technically she could, but when she was around him, he sent her on a high she didn't want to come down from. And every moment she was with him, she forgot about the box she had put her _Meredith's Derek_ emotions and guilt in.

Derek turned and caught sight of her. His eyes looked at her questioningly asking her to come around later. To clarify things. And he added his smile to tempt her. The make-you-lose control of yourself smile, and he meant it because she had just made his day better.

But though, Izzie wanted to run and fling her arms around his neck, she couldn't. And when he made a discreet motion for her to meet him around the corner of the hospital, she pretended she didn't see. She could feel his confusion radiating off of him.

But she was saved. She was never glad to see Mark Sloan until that moment.

"Hey, you coming," he came up to Derek's side.

She could feel Derek's hesitation. "Uhh . . ."

Just then Izzie felt a little bit more relieved when George stepped off the elevator and caught sight of Izzie.

"Iz, you coming to Joe's?"

"Yeah, let's go together." Izzie gave him a bright smile and linked arms with him, and they walked past Mark and Derek, whose blue eyes pierced into Izzie, straight to her heart.

_________________________

Izzie sipped the amber liquid slowly. She was on her third and last drink. She had refused to drink more than three rounds since her first night with Derek. Everything happened when she was drunk, and she was not going let her drunkenness ruin everything else.

George was beside her noting every sip she took and wondering what had happened to his usually loosely drinking friend.

Izzie looked down the bar and saw Meredith and Cristina.

Meredith was tossing beer nuts into her mouth like crazy, muttering something to an unfazed Cristina while her eyes were scanning the crowd for Derek. Izzie knew that lately Derek's lack on interest in her was getting to Meredith, and Izzie felt her heart further sinking at what she was causing.

Izzie looked around and quickly spied Derek sitting in a corner with Mark. Derek's blue eyes longingly gazed back at her. He raised his eyebrow as if to say 'What happened?' But Izzie looked back down at the last of her drink, her face red from guilt and embarrassment.

It was then that she felt the wind knocked out of her when George asked, "Izzie, why is Derek Shepherd staring at you like that?"

____________

_Derek didn't understand why Izzie was avoiding him. She had said it was the last time they were going to this in the hospital. And now she was completely avoiding him. There were no more trysts outside of work, and he desperately missed her. She was distancing herself from him. She was absent when being assigned, and then she would be on someone else's service. Sometimes, she would go take care of her clinic so she couldn't see him at all. _

_And then he understood. She wanted something more, but it would cost her dearly. When she made her casual sex agreement, the one where they could walk away from each other at any time, she had tried to walk away to save them both the trouble. But he held her back. And here she was avoiding him so that she didn't have to feel him. _

_God, he missed her. He missed her soft hair. The softness of her body. Her smile. _

_When he realized she was absolutely and completely avoiding him, he tried to give her space. But he found he needed to see her in some way to make his day bearable. Bearable from Meredith's expectant stares, Mark's male to male understanding (about what he thought were Meredith problems), all the other gossipers who watched everything without anyone else knowing, and most off all, the frenzy of what his work demanded._

_So, he took it upon himself to make an attempt to catch a glimpse of her each day. When she was doing her rounds, he watched her connect with patients. When she smiled, he felt warm inside. When she laughed, with her eyes bright and shiny, he spent the rest of the day laughing. _

_But he knew what she was really feeling. Izzie the hopeful, the optimistic, was trying to back off because of Meredith. Because she believed in a love that she did not know was over. Because though Derek and Izzie weren't technically attached to anyone, in her mind, he was. _

_And Meredith, though not physically involved, was emotionally ruining the best thing that had ever happened to him._

______________________

"WHAT?!" Izzie looked up at George quickly and then shot a glance down at Meredith and Cristina.

They were still talking and thankfully didn't hear what George had said.

"I don't know. He's looking at you all funny."

"Maybe he's looking at Meredith," Izzie tried to casually nod her head in Meredith's direction.

"Nah, you can tell when he's looking at Meredith. He's definitely looking at you. It's kind of weird. More creepy."

Izzie felt her ears burning, but tried to joke about it to deflect the attention. "Well, George, you know every guy wants me. I'm just too good to resist." Izzie grinned at George.

He laughed. "Yeah, but it's not like Shepherd wants you."

Izzie held her breath in for a second. "Right."

"Maybe he wants to talk about Meredith?" George shook his head and turned back to her. "You want to head out of here?"

"Please." Izzie grabbed her stuff, but not before spying Derek looking at her questioningly again. She discreetly held four fingers up at him and then left.

_________________

Derek couldn't help but smile. He saw her four fingers, and he knew what they meant. Isobel Stevens had completely enamoured him that he knew she was referencing to _Rule #4_. The rule where they didn't know each other at the hospital. But he begged to differ. They were not at the hospital, and he knew every inch of her.

He saw her gracefully gather her things and leave behind George. Derek couldn't help but feel jealous of O'Malley at that moment for spending time with Izzie.

"Maybe you should just go talk to her." Mark downed his drink. His eyes were on Derek, but Derek knew he was scanning the crowd for his latest conquest.

"Who?" Derek asked nonchalantly.

"You guys are like epic. Just talk to Meredith and everything will be alright." Derek could sense that Mark was hoping to avoid a relationship conversation.

"Can't talk to someone who's avoiding you," Derek said thinking of Izzie.

"But she's over there now."

Derek nodded. He couldn't tell Mark what was going on. How would it seem if he told Mark that he left his wife (though Mark had slept with Addison) for one woman, and now was taken with another woman? But she wasn't just any other woman. She was Isobel Stevens.

If only he had known earlier about the possiblities . . .

Mark shrugged. Someone had caught his eye, conveniently he thought for Derek. "Excuse me." Mark left.

Derek nodded. He needed Izzie right now. Derek made a move to grab his coat.

"Can I talk to you?"

Derek turned to see a harried Meredith standing before him.

"Meredith . . . "

He sensed what was about to happen. He could tell from the determination in her eyes and her pursed lips. She was going to make a statement.

More like an emotional outburst. The kind that would usually bring them back together for a while, only for them to break up again later. He didn't want to hear it now because he wasn't in a position to come back to her. He didn't think he could ever go back to Meredith.

He was ruined by another woman who showed him that happiness and connections were possible even with the most unlikely person. He wanted that and not some ultimatum from a commitment phobic Meredith.

But before he could open his mouth to say anything, she had started.

And all Derek could think of was a certain blond woman who had captured his heart and was now sacrificing her feelings at the expense of an emotionally unreliable woman.

**______________________**

**Just a note: Yeah, I noticed all the grammatical errors. Sorry about it. It's just that finals are coming up and I can't study when Derek & Izzie won't leave my brain alone. It only makes sense that the two hottest people on the show make hot things happen. So, I have to get them out of my mind so that I can concentrate on finals cause chemistry's a bitch. **

**Anyway, I haven't gotten to the part I wanted to yet, but it's coming. Let me know what you think so far. As ever, all reviews are welcome. **

**Thanks,  
--Pepper :)**


	7. Chapter 7

"Derek?" Izzie asked quietly.

They were both now lying on their backs staring up at the starry night. It was a beautifully clear night, and Izzie wanted to spend eternity sharing this moment with him, but she knew it couldn't last.

"Iz." He took her hands and brought it to his mouth. He gently kissed it. "Please don't—

"No. Derek, you don't!" Izzie persisted, "I can't do this. Maybe you can, but I can't. I can't do this to Meredith."

"Iz, I—

"Derek, I am going to close my eyes right now. And when I open them again, you had better be gone." Izzie pulled her hand back, and Derek could feel her starting to tremble. "Please be gone."

"Izzie, this . . . what we have—

"Is nothing! Please Derek." He was pushing her to her breaking point.

She closed her eyes, and Derek was at a loss for words. He rolled to his side and looked down into her beautiful face. He lowered his head and brushed a kiss on her lips.

"Derek . . ." He could feel Izzie's eyes beginning to well up. "Please Derek." She was begging him.

He nodded his head and got up.

When Izzie finally opened her eyes, she was all alone.

________________________________

_Meredith walked into her house and headed straight for the liquor cabinet. She grabbed her tequila and sunk onto her couch, wondering why Derek was acting strange._

_It had been almost a week since she poured her heart out to Derek in Joe's. She told him that she was different. That she wasn't what was expected and that he knew how twisted she could be. She asked him to give her a chance and she would pull through. She was in a dark place, and he would have to let her pull through. She knew she could be with him, but he would just have to wait with her. She could do it. She would try._

_She told him she would be waiting at the bar. Cristina had already left. _

_But all the while she was talking to him, he had the strangest smile on his face. A knowing smile. Or maybe a too late smile. Or it was just a sad smile. _

_She couldn't tell, and she went back to sit down. Derek left without even giving her a backwards glance, and Meredith had never felt so humiliated. _

_So now, she was spending the past few days drowning her misery in tequila and waiting for the first person to walk through the door to spill her heart to. Cristina had listened for a few days, and then Alex. _

_Meredith took a deep breath when she heard the front door opening and saw Izzie walk in._

"_Iz. Join me."_

_Izzie was surprised to see Meredith. Then her eyes shifted uncomfortably. _

"_Something the matter?"_

"_No," came a slow reply._

"_Then join me."_

"_Mer, I've been trying to cut back on the drinking bit." Izzie was staring just passed Meredith._

"_I insist. One drink that's all."_

_Izzie looked around. She breathed in and then resolved to join her. "One drink."_

"_So," Meredith eyed her._

"_So?" Izzie looked at her questioningly._

"_So I've talked to Cristina and Alex. Now it's your turn."_

"_My turn. For what?" Izzie was getting uncomfortable._

"_I poured my heart out to Derek. I waited for him to come. He didn't. What does that mean?"_

_Izzie spit her drink back up at the first sentence. "You poured your heart out? When?"_

"_About a week ago. But what does it mean? You're the intuitive, compassionate one. Tell me."_

_Once Izzie saw Meredith use her fingers in quote marks at her last sentence, Izzie knew whatever she said at this point didn't matter to Meredith. Mer needed her McDreamy to come rescue her from whatever she was feeling. _

_**How was it that Derek did that? Rescued people from themselves?** _

"_So, he didn't come?" Izzie could take a wild guess as to why._

_Cristina burst in at that point. "Hit me up." She grabbed the bottle and started downing it. "What're we talking about?"_

"_Derek not coming."_

"_Uh-oh. Have you gone back to the dark place again?" Cristina looked over at Meredith. _

_Izzie took this as her cue to leave._

"_Wait! What do you think?" Meredith looked at her expectantly._

"_We care about what Barbie says?" Cristina looked questioningly._

"_I need something different."_

_Izzie looked at them. She was suddenly annoyed with them. And she was further angered at herself at what she was about to do for them. _

"_Seriously? You guys, how hard can it be to commit to someone you love? Both of you had something great. And what did you let it go for? You have no idea how lucky you both are!" Izzie stormed upstairs._

"_She's talking about Denny, right. Or George?" Cristina looked over at Meredith._

"_Uhhhh . . . Denny, I think. I don't know. It's all complicated."_

_____________________________

Derek spent the entire day on the lookout for Izzie. Apparently, she was in the clinic, but when he went there she was no where to be found.

If she had motioned _Rule #4_, then she was obviously still taking part in the just sex thing, _right?_

He was on the brink of desperation just to capture a glance of her.

He was forced to swallow his desperation for minute and had turned to write something on a chart at the nurses' station when he felt a presence come beside him. The smell was intoxicating. He started to turn to face her, when she quietly said, "Don't."

"Izzie, what's the matter?" he silently asked.

"Tonight. Your trailer. 9 p.m." She was gone as suddenly as she came.

Derek had to hold himself from turning his head and smell the delicious scent she had left behind.

However, he couldn't interpret what her intentions were. Did she want sex? Her voice didn't sound aroused, but the sex part didn't matter. He just wanted to be near her. Touch her. See her. Smell her hair.

Derek was in a hurry to get his work done, but had to hold back his intentions from Meredith as she was on his service today. It had been a week since she had her emotional outburst, and Derek was avoiding her because he didn't know what to say to her. He knew there was nothing between them, but he wasn't sure how to break it to her that he was no longer interested. He didn't think he could handle all her emotions at once. _After all, how do you tell a woman you had such history with that it's over?_

It was because he had lost his heart to Izzie. Everything was so simple between them that it was beautiful. He knew she felt overshadowed by Meredith's presence, but he would talk to her tonight. Try to show her the good thing between them. Despite his and Izzie's no-relationship-sex pact, they knew each other so well. They connected to a point where being around each other gave the other a brilliant glow. A shiny aura. They were a perfect fit.

Meredith expectantly watched Derek the entire day. She was waiting for him to say something, but he kept everything to a professional level. She sensed his hurry in leaving, but she didn't say anything.

When Derek was finally able to leave as dusk was falling, he quickly freshened up and drove out to his trailer. He got out of his truck to see Izzie's car already there. He went inside to find his trailer empty. He was confused.

He went back outside and looked around. Then he saw an outline in the darkness. She was lying on a blanket several feet away from the trailer.

He walked towards her. Her eyes were closed, a soft smile at her lips. There was a small container beside her. Watching her in such a relaxed state, Derek was speechless. She radiated waves of sensuality and beauty. Derek softly knelt beside, never wanting to end this moment. He bent down and softly brushed a kiss on her pink lips.

Izzie instantly opened her eyes alarmed.

"Iz, it's just me."

Izzie smiled. A sad smile, but she was still beautiful. The stars were reflected in her pretty brown eyes.

She got up, and Derek was unsure what she had planned.

"I have something for you," she said as she reached to the container and pulled out chocolate chip muffins.

"Your favorite," Derek said knowingly. She was breaking her own rules of no relationship stuff, but Derek had the sinking feeling that something was going to change tonight

She gave him the strange smile again. Like he was breaking her heart with every word he said.

Derek grasped her hand and took the muffin from it. He didn't let go of her hand, but when he bit into it, he did.

"IZZIE!" he mumbled with a mouthful.

Izzie's eyes grew wide. "What?!"

"This is the best thing I have ever had!"

Izzie laughed. A hearty laugh and laid back down.

Derek finished the muffin and took his place beside her. He took her slender fingers and massaged them in his hands. She didn't take her hand back, but he could feel her hands grow cold when her demeanor changed.

"Iz? What's the matter?" he rolled over to look at her. "No sex tonight?"

She chuckled lightly. "No sex. Definitely not." She didn't say anything, but her eyes were on the stars.

Derek was mesmerized with the way the stars looked in her eyes. He watched her inhaled deeply and let it slowly out. Whatever this was, it was going to be painful for her, he could tell.

"Derek?"

And then Derek knew what she was going to say. He rolled back on his back. "Don't Izzie."

"Please listen to me. I have to say it."

He was silent and Izzie continued.

"I haven't always made the best choices in my life. Every time I took a chance at what I thought would make me happy, someone always got hurt. More often than not, it was me."

Izzie turned to face him, but he was the one now staring at the stars. She brought her hands to his face. She traced his outline before running her fingers through his amazing hair.

He remained silent, so she continued.

"This time it's not me that's hurt. I thought that I could do this. I thought that this was what would make me happy, but I was wrong. Derek, I'm not a casual sex person. I thought I could do this, but I can't. I don't have it in me. I get attached, and it gets messy. You know how it's been. It's that or it's the wrong place, wrong time."

Izzie removed her hand and looked back up at the sky.

"I get attached. The truth is you and I will not work. Whatever this is or what we had, it won't work. As casual as it may seem, I can't have feelings for you. You and I are the wrong place, wrong time."

"Izzie? Is this about Meredith?"

Izzie's silence was his answer.

"Derek?" Izzie asked quietly.

They were both now lying on their backs staring up at the starry night. It was a beautifully clear night, and Izzie wanted to spend eternity sharing this moment with him, but she knew it couldn't last.

"Iz." He took her hands and brought it to his mouth. He gently kissed it. "Please don't—

"No. Derek, you don't!" Izzie persisted, "I can't do this. Maybe you can, but I can't. I can't do this to Meredith."

"Iz, I—

"Derek, I am going to close my eyes right now. And when I open them again, you had better be gone." Izzie pulled her hand back, and Derek could feel her starting to tremble. "Please be gone."

"Izzie, this . . . what we have—

"Is nothing! Please Derek." He was pushing her to her breaking point.

She closed her eyes, and Derek was at a loss for words. He rolled to his side and looked down into her beautiful face. He lowered his head and brushed a kiss on her lips.

"Derek . . ." He could feel Izzie's eyes beginning to well up. "Please Derek." She was begging him.

He nodded his head and got up.

When Izzie finally opened her eyes, she was all alone.

It was nearly a minute when she heard the trailer door bang shut.

Izzie's vision began to blur, but she refused to cry here. She got up and grabbed her blanket and got into her car. She refused to cry in her car, too. She drove home, tiptoed into the house past Meredith who was having another tequila night, dishing her thoughts about her McDreamy with Cristina.

Izzie went straight to her room and locked the door. Then she cried.

She cried her heart out. Cursed Derek. Cursed him for making her fall for him. Cursed him for making her feel better and then taking it away.

When Izzie's eyes were dried out, she cursed herself. Because she was the one who had taken it away. But she had to do it because Derek wasn't the one for her.

And yet, she missed the way he said her name. The way his lips curved around the syllables. The way his lips attacked hers—

She pushed those thoughts away. She couldn't ruin everything else. The Meredith and Derek saga her friends had dreamt up was something everyone was aware of. The one where there was no other person but Meredith to Derek and vice versa.

She had overstepped her line. Crossed the line of the love lives of friends, so she did what she thought was best.

It was the right thing to do, _right?_


	8. Chapter 8

Izzie made her rounds. She plastered a smile on her face and visited each one of her patients. She was trying at all costs to avoid him. She was really trying, but she didn't want to do it. Who could resist that charming smile or the wavy hair? Or better yet, the way he would press his body against hers driving her senses into serious overdrive?

But still she was avoiding him. And Meredith, with her incessant stares.

Izzie finished her rounds and made her way to the locker room. She in fact, trying to avoid everyone at this point. Knowing she would have severely limited privacy in the locker room, she ran in, grabbed a small bag from her locker, and ran out.

She walked down to her secluded spot so she could at least grasp some control over herself. She sat down with her back against the wall, willing herself not to think of the surplus supply room around the corner and what went on in there.

She opened her small bag and pulled out a heavily iced chocolate cupcake. She poured her heart out on a batch last night. The one currently in her hands was the best. She stared at the dark brown frosting and the chocolaty goodness waiting for her. And in the one second of staring at it, she threw all her manners out the window and attacked the cupcake. In attacking the cupcake she was kicking all her feelings of avoidance.

With frosting on her lips and chocolate between her teeth, she looked up while she slowly began to chew the big bite she took when she saw him.

Him. The one. The one for her if only in another lifetime. And she gulped. A big, loud gulp.

________

_Derek drifted aimlessly around the hospital. He tried very hard to give his patients his attention, but only a certain blond would come to mind. It had been two days since he left her outside his trailer. They shared a moment lying on the blanket out there, but he knew that in her mind, she would never go through with such a betrayal. _

_So, in part of his feelings for her and to respect her wishes, he left her. _

_Only he hadn't really left her. Maybe he did physically to make a point. To make a point that he would always respect her wishes, but he never left her. He cared about her too much._

_And in this realization, he knew that Izzie Stevens deserved more that casual sex and escapades in random places. She deserved more than being cramped in trailers just for hot, dirty sex._

_Izzie Stevens deserved an actual relationship. A real date, away from the hospital and the rest of their lives. She deserved a nice dinner. She deserved to be treated like the person she was._

_And he, Derek Shepherd, was going to give it to her._

____________

Izzie gulped, but still refused to open her mouth. Something about her trying to be serious, but having chocolate in her teeth would fail to make her point. So she remained silent as Derek Shepherd walked towards her. His eyes were amused and the most charming smile was on his face. He looked at her as if he just discovered something else about her, like he was discovering something new each time.

Izzie sat still as a statue and glued her lips together, oblivious to the frosting on her lips. She sat there as Derek bent downward, bringing his face less than a foot away from hers. The heart-melting smile was still on his face as he bent lower and bit into the cupcake in Izzie's hands.

Izzie continued to remain in her position as Derek flicked out his tongue and then gave her a toothy smile to show off his chocolate-less teeth.

Derek was up to something. No doubt about it.

Keeping her frosted lips stuck to her teeth, Izzie uncomfortably asked, "Derek, what are you doing here?"

"Iz, this is delicious." Derek leaned in for another bite, but Izzie moved her hands.

"We're not doing this anymore."

"Doing what anymore?" Derek asked innocently and Izzie's heart fluttered.

"Derek! No sex!"

"I'm not here for sex," Derek continued his innocent look.

"Then why are you here?"

Derek dropped his act. "Iz, I want something real."

But Izzie was already shaking her head and making a move to get up. But Derek grabbed her, enclosing her in a warm embrace. In such a way that Izzie never wanted to leave from his grasp. Derek was now closer to her ear and lowered his voice as he talked into her ear.

"Listen to me."

Izzie didn't move.

"You said it was the wrong place, wrong time."

Izzie's still didn't move.

"Let's the make it the right place, right time. Get to know me. Let me get to know you."

"We already know each other," Izzie said.

"No. I want to know you, not what we think we know about each other." Derek pulled back slightly to look her in the face, "Isobel Stevens, I would like to take you out to dinner."

He saw the surprise in her face.

"I . . . can't," she sputtered.

"Yes, you can."

"No. What if someone finds out?"

"The point of a relationship is that there is no need for secrecy," Derek smiled.

Izzie's brown eyes widened in alarm.

"Don't worry, we don't have to tell anyone yet. It can be our secret for now. But we're still going out to dinner."

"Derek . . . I--

Derek silenced her with a kiss. A soft, sweet kiss.

He then pulled back, ate the last bite of the cupcake, and turned to leave.

Izzie felt her heart fluttering, but then she thought of something and it stopped. "Wait! Mer--

Derek turned around, his eyes boring into her. "I already talked to her. I let her know that I seeing someone who means a lot to me. She doesn't know it's you."

"Derek, I still can't."

"I know this place on the other side of town. Far from here. No one will know," Derek paused for a second, "Iz, what you and I have is something I don't want to let go." He smiled, "So, dinner?"

Izzie stared at him. Two days ago, she was willing to leave him for who knows what reason. And now, she didn't want to let go of the something either. She toothily smiled. She nodded her head and then laughed.

"Good," Derek said in his smooth voice. He turned and took two steps before turning back around. "Iz, you might want to check your teeth before going back up."

_________________

_Derek made up his mind. He knew what he was going to do and he knew where she was. He saw her at the nurses' station with all her friends. One by one they left until only her best friend remained. It was now or never. He walked towards her._

_"Meredith, we need to talk."_

_"I'm going to go now," Cristina turned and left._

_Meredith faced and Derek and gave him that expectant stare. "You know, I waited for you. And you come now?"_

_"Meredith, I'm not coming now."_

_Meredith looked at him confused._

_"We are not together."_

_"We are not together?" Meredith repeated._

_"So, technically we can see other people."_

_"We can . . . Derek? What's this about?"_

_Derek took the plunge. "I met someone."_

_"You met someone?" Meredith repeated. Then she froze._

_"I really like her and I want it to be real."_

_There were a million things going through Meredith's head on what to say, but instead she said, "And you're telling me because?"_

_Derek looked her straight in the eyes, "I'm telling you because I want you to know, she's not revenge. Whatever you and I had is over now."_

____________________________

Izzie laughed to herself now. She was going one real date with Derek. Who cared about chocolate in her teeth?

Derek was nearly gone for two minutes when she heard voices around the other corner. And in seconds, George, Alex and Cristina appeared.

"Iz? What are you doing here?" George asked upon spotting her.

"Did you know about this place?" Alex asked.

"Yeah, what is this place?" Cristina asked.

And in the second they appeared, Izzie knew that one chapter of her life had ended. Her secluded, secret spot would never be the same again, much in the same way that her life would never be the same again. She was now beginning something new and good.

There would be no fake boyfriend drama like it was with Alex. No heartbreak and missed time like it was with Denny. And definitely no adulterous affair like it was George. No this time (the first time in a long time) someone wanted to take Isobel Stevens out to dinner

Izzie felt refreshed and ready to dose out some witty remark, when all her boxed guilty feelings came flooding back upon hearing Cristina remark, "Kinda harsh don't you think? _She's not revenge. Whatever you and I had is over now."_


	9. Chapter 9

It was the perfect night. The simplistic nature of the atmosphere only served to appreciate the clarity, the beauty of the night.

And although they were in a place well respected for its privacy and romantic atmosphere, everyone's eyes were rooted on the couple slowly revolving on the dance floor. This couple moved with ease. And everyone watched them with utmost amazement.

Because everyone was rendered into silence at the beauty and aura that this couple put out. It was like angels had descended from the heavens.

Tall, dark and handsome, he held her instinctively, his hands finding their way to the right places. She rested her head in the crook of his neck, perfect for him to whisper into her ear.

Mostly everyone watched because she looked like a goddess in her dark sparkling green evening dress. It cut low in the back, and she had left her long curly hair loose. He was in his suit and blended with her perfectly. They moved with ease, oblivious to the other couples who had long stopped dancing to watch them as they moved with such skill.

They were the highlight of the night, but they were unaware. Although everyone was watching, they never saw his lips move as he whispered into her ear, "Isobel Stevens, what have you done to me?"

_________________

_"What are you talking about?" Izzie asked Cristina. "Who said that?"_

_"Derek! Can you believe it? He told Meredith that they were over," Cristina said. _

_"I saw her in the elevator--" George began but was cut off by Meredith's arrival._

_"So I just saw McDreamy on my way down here," Meredith casually said, but the pain was evident on her face._

_Everyone stared at her. _

_"You're calling him McDreamy again?" Cristina asked._

_"What--"_

_All of a sudden, their pagers simultaneously went off._

_When their trauma frenzy winded down and their patient was stable, Izzie found herself beside Meredith._

_Izzie noticed the look of pure pain in Meredith's eyes, and she couldn't help it when she asked, "Mer, what happened?" even though she already knew the answer._

_Right then, Derek walked by, and Meredith muttered, "McDreamy happened," and walked away._

_Izzie was torn. Who do you choose? The man who gave you what you needed, at the loss of your friends. Or the friends who were just there at the loss of the man you think you may just love?_

_It was this thought that ate at Izzie all day, until it culminated in Izzie baking a chocolate cake. This time, it was different, because though Izzie made the cake, a very sober Meredith walked in and began a heated discussion where Izzie might have said some things to get Meredith's suspicions aroused._

________________

_**Izzie checked the board. Thank God! she silently thought. Meredith and Cristina were in surgery. She knew Alex was headed to Joe's and George was probably heading there as well.**_

**_She silently prayed that they would not bother with her whereabouts as she ran to the locker room to change._**

**_She grabbed her things and drove as fast as she could. It was only 6 p.m. and she cursed the remaining two hours she had to get ready for her date. She knew that she would not have enough time to look the way she wanted, courtesy of the long hours she was pulling, but just thinking about her date brought a smile to her face. Derek had even made it a point to discreetly remind her of their special night._**

**_They were finally beginning a relationship._**

**_She finally got home and in her hurry, she began to drop everything. She opened the door and her bag dropped, spilling its contents. She was seriously wasting time. She took a deep breath and gathered her things._**

**_Izzie jumped into the shower, washing her hair and brushing her teeth. She then turned to shave her legs. She was shaving her legs for Derek, and she laughed. How many times had she shaved her legs in vain . . . but this time it was different._**

**_When she was finally done, she realized that in her hurry, she had forgotten her towel._**

**_She pulled the curtain back saw Alex in the bathroom. She immediately pulled the curtain closed._**

**_"Shit! Alex, what the hell are you doing here?"_**

**_"Oh, shut up! I live here too. It's not like you have parts that I've never seen."_**

**_"ALEX!"_**

**_"I'm not going anywhere."_**

**_"Well then, can you ar least get my towel. I forgot it."_**

**_"No."_**

**_"ALEX!"_**

**_"Go get it yourself."_**

**_Izzie knew she didn't have much time left. So, she took the chance. She pulled the curtain back and walked stark naked to her room. She felt Alex's eyes boring into her back, and a minute later, she heard him slip and fall from the puddle of water she had made. "If you had only gotten my towel," she tossed over her shoulder._**

**_Izzie quickly dried herself and checked the time. She had about an hour left. She knew that her modeling tricks would be put to the ultimate test. She quickly applied her make-up, opting for a more natural look. Tonight, she would let go of everything and be herself with Derek. She quickly blow-dried her hair, and for once it remained tame and fell naturally down her back. _**

**_She turned to ther closet and pulled the dress still hiding in its cover in the back. She had been imagining wearing this dress all day for her date. She unzipped its cover and pulled out a beautiful dark green dress that cut low in the back. She had gotten this dress a long time ago with the hope that she would wear it at the right time. _**

**_But the right time never came until now._**

**_She quickly pulled it on and found a pair of comfortable matching shoes and grabbed her shawl and purse. She was meeting Derek at the Irish pub where their discovery had first began. From there, he would take her to the special place he refused to name. _**

**_She was pulling on her shawl as she left the room and walked down the stairs, just as Alex started to come up._**

**_He stopped in his tracks and stared at her. "Iz . . . "_**

**_"What?" she asked, adjusting her shawl. _**

**_"You look beautiful."_**

**_"Thanks," she smiled. _**

**_"Where ya going?" Alex was curious._**

**_"Somewhere magical," Izzie laughed. She_****_ floated down the stairs and left for what the future had to offer._**

**_Alex watched her leave, inhaling the scent she left behind and wondering who had changed Izzie in such a way. Although Izzie left without dropping a hint, a pang of jealousy stabbed his heart._**

**___________________**

Izzie pulled her head back. "What do you mean?"

Derek smiled down at her. His eyes filled with the same thing she saw in that moment when they had their tryst in the surplus supply room.

And now, she didn't feel guilty. She wasn't a replacement. Not a distraction. This was the real thing. She smiled at him. She knew that because this was the real thing, everyone would eventually find out. It would be messy, but right now, she enjoyed being in his arms.

She rested her head against his shoulder again and laughed her infectious laugh into his body. He held her tighter and then whispered, "Let's get out of here."

Izzie nodded her head.

They pulled away and gathered their things and silently left, still oblivious to the stares of others.

They got into Derek's truck, not knowing where to go. Derek started to put the key into the ignition, when he suddenly looked over at Izzie. She was a breathtaking sight.

And quite suddenly, they found their lips on each other. Their tongues began their familiar heated dance. Derek ran his fingers through Izzie's silky hair and she wrapped her hands around his neck. She made it across the gear shift and cramped her form on top of him. It was uncomfortable no doubt, but when it felt right on a much deeper level, a slight discomfort was manageable.

Derek hiked her dress up as she unzipped his pants. She then slipped her hands under his dress shirt and began to massage his chest. Derek broke their kiss and looked up at her and smiled. She smiled back at him. He kissed her neck and trailed kisses further down as he unzipped the side of the dress. In seconds, Izzie was topless on Derek's lap.

Izzie allowed her hips to move in circles around Derek's hardened bulge, teasing him and watching her reflection in Derek's eyes. Quite suddenly, Derek caught her in heated kiss and impaled her. They clasped on to each other, not wanting to let the other go, as he thrusted upward, and she grinded downward.

This time, they didn't silence each other like they did when they were in the hospital. They continued to moan each other's names, and with one final thrust, Derek sent Izzie over, and she fell back onto the steering wheel, causing a loud blare from the horn. She immediately jumped and came back and rested on Derek.

They remained like that for several more minutes. Reflecting on their date in silence. Dinner was nice. And for once, there was nothing else to keep them from each other. So they talked. And they realized that more than a physical connection, there existed a deeper emotional connection, something they had failed to see earlier, but knew that it was lurking there somewhere. Soon after, they had the urge to dance, and revolved around the floor, unknowingly the center of attention.

"That was definitely not a date," Izzie huffed as she returned to her seat.

"Why do you say that?" Derek turned to her as he zipped her dress for her.

She kissed him. "Because we're on a 'first date' and sex isn't a 'first date' thing."

"I think we made it past that a long time ago," Derek laughed as he took Izzie's fingers in his own.

"So the next time we do this, no sex. Just to see how it is."

"Oh, so there will be a next time, huh?" Derek laughed.

Izzie smiled.

Although they didn't want the night to end, they both were due to make an early presence in the hospital the next morning. Derek dropped Izzie off at the pub, and she drove home.

Izzie was so caught up in the aftermath of her date, that she didn't notice Alex flipping through the channels in the living room. He tried not to look up as she walked by, but he couldn't help it. He saw her dress ruffled, and knew what that meant. Though he was hurt, he saw the look on her face. Whatever or whoever the asshole was, he made her happy. And if he made her happy, then Alex couldn't interfere.

Izzie ran up the stairs and was about to enter her room, when Meredith came out of the bathroom.

"Hey Iz?"

"Huh?" Izzie said dreamily.

"I've been thinking . . . What did you mean when you asked me those things last night?" Meredith asked, staring her down.

Izzie fell back to Earth in that second. She remembered last night.

She knew that she could keep Derek a secret, but eventually their real good thing would come out in the open and cause serious repercussions. What she didn't know if she was ready for them now . . .


	10. Chapter 10

Derek got out of his truck and entered his trailer. It had been a long day, and he was tired. His date with Izzie three days ago had been great.

However, he had been trying to talk to her and she was avoiding him--again. He called her. _No reply_. He would try to find her at the hospital, but he seemed to always just miss her. And he couldn't always ask after her because that would look suspicious.

Although, this afternoon, he was able to corner her. He took her hands, and had asked her what was wrong. Her eyes had widened in fear of discovery and she shook her head and quickly left.

He was pondering going to Meredith's house to talk to Izzie, but he knew he had to respect her wishes about their secret relationship. She would see him when she needed to.

So, instead, Derek peeled of his clothes and turned on the water to take a shower. He stepped in and begin to soap himself while thinking of a special blond. Maybe it was a good thing that they hadn't seen each other for three days. After all, absence makes the heart grow fonder. In fact, maybe it was a good thing that they were taking their secret relationship slow.

Yeah right, Derek thought. Izzie possessed all of his thoughts now. He couldn't get enough of her and desperately craved for a glimpse of her. To think that one night's brief physical interaction had thrown him on such a whirlwind . . .

Derek was beginning to lather his hair when he heard a faint noise. Probably nothing, he thought. He continued to run his fingers through his hair, imagining Izzie was here instead running her fingers through his hair.

Two seconds later Derek turned around in surprise as the shower door was thrown open.

_______________________

_**"Are you okay?" Meredith asked. She pulled her sleeves down and her fingers toyed with the ends. She then squinted at Izzie, who was finishing icing a cake. Meredith gave her the 'I'm not judging you' stare, even though Izzie knew well enough she was.**_

_**"I'm fine. Although I think I should be asking you that." Izzie stood up and started to put the utensils in the sink.**_

_**Meredith now leaned against the door frame. "It's just that you've been acting weird all day."**_

_**Izzie froze half way to the sink.**_

_**Meredith continued. "I'm thinking I should feel bad that Derek left me for someone else, but it seems kinda surreal now."**_

_**"Why aren't you talking to Cristina?" Izzie turned to face her. She really wanted to avoid this conversation, but as a friend she was required to have it.**_

_**"I would. Well, I will later. It's just that you always seem to be this fairytale romance person . . . It's like this: you're family." Meredith shrugged her shoulders as if the rest was understood.**_

_**Izzie dropped everything in the sink and found herself heavily falling into the nearby chair. "I'm family?"**_

_**"Well, yeah." Meredith gave her the 'Isn't it obvious look?,' but she also noticed Izzie's sad big brown eyes.**_

_**Izzie tried to change the subject, but her heart started to control her mouth. "Would it be bad if Derek found someone else?" Wrong thing to say. Talking about Derek would definitely make it suspicious.**_

_**Meredith gave her a questioning stare. Then she took the seat beside Izzie and started to cut herself a slice of the cake. "I've been going over it in my head. Technically, it's not bad. It's just that it's sudden. You have no idea how many times he wanted something serious. I tried, but I needed time. He seemed like he would wait. But when he found someone else, it made me suddenly realize how I feel about him"**_

_**Izzie turned and cut herself a slice as well. This conversation was heading in a direction she didn't want, but she couldn't help it. "Who's the girl?"**_

_**"No idea. I bet it's a nurse. Doctors are too complicated," Meredith laughed to herself. "You know, I really do love Derek. At first he was just a one-night stand that I wanted to forget, but he grew on me. We had our ups and downs." Meredith looked at her fingers. And then quiet suddenly she said, "It is bad if Derek's with someone else. I love him and I will fight for him!"**_

_**Izzie didn't say anything and a wave of realization hit Meredith. "You know who it is, don't you? You've seen them together, haven't you?"**_

_**Izzie didn't say anything.**_

_**"You knew and you didn't tell me?" Meredith asked accusingly.**_

_**"I didn't want to hurt your feelings," Izzie silently said.**_

_**Meredith was silent for a minute. "I guess it's okay. You're family. You were just looking out for me."**_

_**Izzie was confused. Private personal Meredith trying the family thing? "What happened to you?"**_

_**Meredith sadly smiled. "I'm trying to change. You know, find my place in the world and that happy stuff."**_

_**Izzie nodded.**_

_**"Who is it?"**_

_**"Can you really blame someone for moving on? I thought I couldn't after Denny. And then George happened. Sometimes I wish things could go back to normal. But then, what if someone takes all the pain away? What if someone could make you happy again? Would you care about how others feel? Would you put yourself first?"**_

_**Meredith looked at Izzie. They sat in silence for two minutes.**_

_**Meredith then broke the silence. "You'll find someone. And no matter who it will be, I will be behind you."**_

_**Izzie sadly looked at Meredith, but that someone is the person you love, she thought.**_

_**Meredith suddenly found that even though she didn't know Derek's secret girl, Izzie knew something about it and she had to pry the information about her competitor from Izzie. They were family, Meredith thought, and she strengthened her resolve to show Derek her love.**_

_**_____________**_

_"What're you talking about?" Izzie pressed her back against the door._

_Meredith was towel drying her hair. "You know the part about someone making you happy and if you would care what others thought."_

_Izzie looked at her questioningly._

_"I thought about it. I cared what others thought. I didn't want a disastrous thing. I didn't want to be my mother. But Derek makes me happy, so I shouldn't care about those things, right?"_

_Izzie started to choke back her sobs. "Right," she whispered. She couldn't tell Meredith that she just came back from a date with Derek. _

_But Meredith wasn't really paying attention. _

_"I'm really tired. I'm gonna call it a night," Izzie hastily said and entered her room._

_Meredith went downstairs. "Mind if I join you?" she sat beside Alex._

_"There's nothing on," came a grumpy reply._

_"Why's Izzie all dressed up?" Meredith was starting to feel bad about not noticing before._

_"I don't know. Why do girls get all dressed up anyway?"_

_"Was it a date?" Meredith was curious._

_"No idea. We're not friends," Alex grumbled._

_Meredith leaned back on the sofa, an odd thought entering her mind._

___________________________

It took Derek a second to recover from the shock. Izzie was standing before him. However, it was not the way he expected it to be. He had imagined numerous escapades in a steamy shower, but the Izzie in front of him pushed those thoughts out.

"Iz . . ."

She crammed into the small stall, under the hot water, fully clothed and embraced him . . . needing him.

________________________

_"So Izzie apparently had a mystery date three days ago," Meredith gossiped to Cristina._

_"Who?" Cristina turned to George._

_"It's not Alex," Meredith continued._

_George was surprised. "Iz didn't tell me."_

_Just then Izzie walked up. "Hey guys! What's going on?" She eyed Meredith._

_"And apparently, she also knows McDreamy's new McSomething," Meredith said. "You have to let me know who my competition is," Meredith pleaded._

_Izzie immediately turned on her heels and headed in the other direction._

_"What's up with her lately?" Cristina asked._

_"I know. She's been so secretive," Meredith said, staring after Izzie. "She's definitely hiding something."_

_George was still out of the loop and was left wondering how he and Izzie were drifting a part. _

_Meredith on the other hand was trying to figure out where Derek was and how she was going to tell him what she felt. But every time she had figured out where he was, he wasn't there anymore. Apparently, Derek had also taken the always-on-the-move plan. _

_And, when she finally saw him around the corner, she started to built up her courage. **Love me. Choose me. I'm not like everyone else. I may not be this bright and cheery person, but I can be with you. I can love you. I love you.**_

_Meredith finally found her courage and started to turn the corner when she saw Derek's eyes. She knew that look. He was searching. For someone. Usually he would look like that for her, but now he wasn't. Meredith's breathing caught as she realized that Derek's McSomething ACTUALLY existed. In this hospital. All this time it felt surreal, and now it hit home. He really had found someone._

_Meredith peeked around the corner and saw Derek head in the opposite direction. She couldn't believe she was doing this, but she was not going to give up on the man she loved. She indiscreetly, with charts in her hand, walked after Derek. When she sensed Derek was about to stop she quickly entered the nearest room and peeked out the window. She couldn't believe she was doing this, but Izzie wasn't spilling. And then she realized it._

_NO WONDER IZZIE WASN'T SPILLING. Meredith saw Derek take Izzie Stevens' hands in his. He said something and all Izzie did was shake her head and leave. _

_A million thoughts and emotions spewed across Meredith's mind. Mostly betrayal ran through her heart. Izzie didn't say anything because she was the McSomething, or McBlond she thought stingingly. Meredith was too overcome with betrayal to burst out and make a scene. So instead, she watched the two silently separate and Derek watching after her._

____________________

Derek held on to Izzie in her wet clothes as her shoulders wracked with sobs. He continued to hold her as cried, her head fitting perfectly in the crook of his shoulder and neck. He held her as he slowly stepped out of the small stall.

He held her to him, she was leaning against him. and Derek didn't want to fail as her support beam. He got his towel and wrapped himself with one hand as he sat on the bed, pulling Izzie onto his lap.

He then began to peel off her clothes.

_____________________

_Izzie liked her date. But even though she and Derek were trying the real deal, she wasn't ready to face any kind of openness with him unless professionalism required it. This was why she had spent the last three days avoiding him. She wanted this to be one of those call-after-the-first-date things, but she knew they were different. _

_What hurt her more, was that Meredith was willing to fight for Derek. And the truth was, as much as she loved Derek, she would probably back off for Meredith. She already ruined one friendship, she didn't want to ruin another. But she still loved Derek . . ._

_When Izzie's day ended, she headed home with thoughts on how to make up avoiding Derek. She had the perfect plan when she came home to find Meredith on the porch swing with a suitcase in front of her. As Izzie made it up the steps, she realized the suitcase was hers._

_"Mer?"_

_Meredith gave a piercing glare. "I want you to leave." _

_"WHAT?" _

_"Leave. We'll figure out a way to get rid of the rest of your stuff, but I can't spend another minute in the same place as you." Meredith continued to swing while willing Izzie to get her suitcase._

_"Mer? What's going on?"_

_"You know, I thought we were family. I thought we had this bond. I talked to you about all this and you knew the entire time. Were you laughing at me the whole time?"_

_"Mer . . ." Izzie then realized it. "You know about . . ."_

_"About you and Derek," Meredith huffed, "Damn, right I do. And you better leave now."_

_Izzie felt the tears coming. She bent down to grab her suitcase and she turned to leave. "I'm sorry," she whispered._

_"So am I," Meredith snapped._

_________________

Derek peeled off Izzie's wet clothes and grabbed his robe lying on the bed. He wrapped her body with it and pulled her close to him. He rocked her back and forth as the tears poured forth from her eyes.

He remembered the time he had rocked her back and forth before and how perfectly they fit together.

And before he could help himself, he whispered, "I love you" into her ear.

He waited for her to bolt away from him or do something that would mark this seem too fast. But instead, he heard a quiet, tear-stricken, "I love you, too."

In that instant ,Derek knew. He had wanted them to be together for so long now, but she was afraid of the consequences.

And now, he realized, they could finally be together in the open, but it had come at a price.

_______________________

**In my mind, this is where Derek & Izzie's tale ended. Although it was much more descriptive in my mind (I have a tendency to skip many things from my mind onto paper--or online). I don't know if I should continue or not (that depends on your thoughts). **

**Thanks,  
****Pepper**


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